What Does it Look Like to Wait?

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all people. It trains us to reject godless ways and worldly desires and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, as we wait for the happy fulfillment of our hope in the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ." (Titus 2:11-13)

As I continued to chew on what my life should look as I 'wait' my quiet time today took me to 2 Chronicles 14:1-5:

"Asa did what the Lord his God desired and approved. He removed the pagan altars and the high places, smashed the sacred pillars, and cut down the Asherah poles. He ordered Judah to seek the Lord God of their ancestors and to observe his law and commands. He removed the high places and the incense altars from all the cities of Judah. The kingdom had rest under his rule."

This made me wonder what pagan altars, pillars, and poles I might have in my life that need to be cut down. If I am eagerly waiting for my Lord's return then I think it would be a bad scene if I have any evidence of an idol in my life.

The thought comes to mind of what would happen if my wife came home and found evidence of another woman in my life. It's probably the same story with many men like me, I have little fear of divorce. But I am terrified of being tortured and murdered. And, yes, my wife would be capable.

So, here are a couple of the pillars I need to deal with. My education, training and experience are pretty good. But I still need to trust in the Lord make me a better pastor.

My ability to make money, budget. But I need trust God for my future. Now, saving money does not mean I'm not trusting God. In fact, saving and trusting go hand in hand as I work toward what I believe God has laid on me for my retirement years. It doesn't mean I quit working and doing ministry. It just means, if I work and am sacrificial now, I can continue to serve without having to draw a salary from a church. Still, my trust lies in God. He could take it all away tomorrow.

It's really a good thing I can't rely on my handsome good looks to open doors. Not really a pillar I struggle with. Come to think of it, I can't think of any doors my face has opened, on purpose anyway.

Waiting means obeying. Trusting in God alone for everything. I don't need to do any more than I'm already doing IF I'm already doing everything God has called me to do.

Time for an inventory. Tear down the pillars I find. Build up the plans that Lord has for me.

What does waiting look like for you?

Sometimes I'm Confused

I work really hard to know as much as I can of the bible. I try to let the Holy Spirit speak louder than my own spirit as I study. I have a number of good books that help. I have a number of good friend who help me, too.

Studying Titus I can't help but be impressed that knowing, defending and teaching sound doctine is important.

Equally important, if not more important, is the establishment and maintenance of relationships. Everything that communicated, taught, modeled and mentored is to be done in the context of a relationship. Breaking these relationships, even in the name of defending the doctrine grates like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Much of this confuses me. When I remain in this state of confusion I usually make mistakes. And, mistakes hurt people.

I get into the most trouble when I confuse my role in the lives of others with the Holy Spirit's role in their lives. When I defend sound doctrine sometimes I cross that line that defines our roles.

I am a mentor, communicator, teacher. The Holy Spirit it the convictor. I will communicate it, teach it, model it; hopefully accurately. I will do so even passionately. But I cannot force anyone to believe it, obey it or be convicted by it. No matter how hard I try.

When I consciously stay behind the line I am much better at maintaining the peace. But, when try to force conviction on anyone then things get ugly.

I appreciate the people in my life who help me out of my confusion. Thank you for defending sound doctrine to me and maintaining our relationship in the process.

Just Don't Look Behind Door #3

I can hide anything from you for a while.

I stashed my wife's Christmas present behind my desk at home. I bought it 3 weeks before Christmas. I don't think she ever saw it. I didn't wrap it right away. I don't think she found it...until she was looking for a present for the kids she forgot where she hid. I waited too long to wrap it.

That's what happens when you live in the same house. I can only hide things for so long. It helps that my wife is not a detailed person. She doesn't see details. So, she'll miss things that a detailed type 'A' would see. But then, because she forgets details she'll forget where she put something and go through my stuff looking for it. If I tried to hide something really bad, she'd find it. That's what living together will do.

Titus is written from the point of view that the men in the church, even on the entire island of Crete, have a relationship. This isn't just for the men in the church. They all grew up together. Some are now in this 'new' organization that Titus is appointing leadership for.

There's no hiding stuff from each other. It's a small island. Good or bad, people know about it. It's like that proverbial small town in America. Everyone knows everyone else's business.

Integrity. Does your outside match your inside?

All of our outward actions stem from our inward position. You can fake it for a while. If your inward position is set so that you're not proud of everything you are but you want people to think that you are then you can fool them...for awhile.

I want men speaking into my life who, though aren't perfect, have a lot of good stuff to offer me. I want to be one of those guys, too. That's what Paul is describing. The only way I get the full benefit of what they offer is by being in a long-term relationship with them. Only then do I see and understand how, imperfect as they are, they still are worth being an example for me to pattern my life after.

Likewise, I've known plenty of men who give a good first impression but it's down hill from there. Time is a great filter of the truth.

If I don't want you to look behind the closed doors of my life eventually one of us is going to have to move.

I'd rather stick around, and have you stick around, and learn how to be a better husband, father, pastor, elder and friend together.

Integrity

Things should just line up. Everything should fit.

"In your teaching show integrity." (Titus 2:7)

Paul isn't talking about a lecture from a pulpit here. The teaching comes in the context of a relational discussion. It's mentoring, discipling, and any other term that's been used by churches to describe what's supposed to happen between an older, wiser person and a young fool. All my life I've played the role of the young fool.

Integrity is important all the time. But it's even harder to hide the inconsistencies when everyone is close enough to see what's in each other's closet. It's a whole lot easier for me to keep people at a distance when your only contact with me is Sunday morning and I have a pulpit between us.

But when you're in my home. And, I'm in yours. And we play golf together. We eat breakfast together. Have lunch together. And our wives talk from time to time you're going to find out pretty soon whether or not what I say to you to do, I really do myself, too.

My life needs to line up with what I say we should all be doing. Otherwise, who would listen?

Would I want a church full of people like me? Would you? Would you want a church where everyone gives as much as you do into the offering plate? Would we be rolling in dough or flat broke? Would you want a church where everyone volunteered as many hours as you do? Would anything get done? Would everyone burn out? Or, would everyone be serving a manageable amount of time?

Would I want a church full of people as faithful as I am? Hmmm...

Of course, the answer is I want the people around me to be giving more, serving more and more faithful. But, then you'd need a different pastor. You don't want a pastor trailing behind everyone. You also don't want an elder trailing behind either.

Leaders lead. By definition leaders do a little more than everybody else. And it all has to line up.

What'd You Say?

I enjoy my quiet times. I usually do them at 6:00 in the morning. That works best for me. I'm up before anyone else, except my dog. She's good company that early in the morning.

God seems to speak clearly to me at what some would consider an ungodly hour. I'm in 2 Chronicles right now.

You're thinking, "6:00 am? 2 Chronicles? Can anything good come out of Chronicles at 6:00 am?" Yes. A lot of good stuff.

It's an environment I'm in control of. Me, my dog, my coffee, my bible and my journal. Perfect. I sometimes wonder what all I miss from the Holy Spirit because I'm so incharge of the environment.

Then, I come to Wake Up Call. Everything is out of control there. Who knows what we'll talk about. We start in Titus. Where we end is anybody's guess.

You guys always challenge me, though. I'm challenged to think about things I probably wouldn't sitting in my chair at 6:00 am. Sometimes I wish you guys would just shut up. Okay, I wish God would not speak so loudy through Randy, Cal, Robbie, Tom, Tom, Stephen, Alen, Jerry, Roger, Scott, Terry and Ron. I wish I could tune you guys out sometimes.

I'm not talking just on Wednesdays. Your voices ring in my ears long after I've left Panera. Still, I should just shut you all out.

But, there's a problem with that. How can I say I'm listening to God if I'm not listening to all of you? Especially you old farts.

If God wants to rebuke me he very likely will use one of you. And, with the relationships we're developing these rebukes will be much better received.

Isn't that the point of what we're doing? God is speaking to all of us through the Word that we're studying, through the words of each other, and with a word from the Holy Spirit directly to our souls. In the context of these relationships we hear, heed and apply to our good.

Sometimes you guys hit a little to close to home. Honestly, those are the times I wish you'd just shut up. But I'm glad you don't.

I'm thankful God continues to speak loudly and clearly through all of you to me. I hope you find it the same way.

I'd Better Put Some Thought Into Her Christmas Present

I appreciate my wife so much. I'm busy working and spending all kinds of hours doing what I do and if it weren't for her we wouldn't have much Christmas going on at home. I get focused on all the things I have to do to be religious and get the year wrapped up and never have to worry much about what's going on at home for the family for Christmas. She does all the work.

My wife made sure the house got decorated. I carried the boxes upstairs but she put everything where it's supposed to go. I carried the boxes back downstairs with the stuff the Christmas stuff replaced around the house.

My wife bought all the kids their presents. I didn't have to do any of it. I assume, because she has every other year, she also bought me a present. All I ever have to do is buy for her.

I had better put a little thought into what I give her for Christmas, too.

She hosts a Christmas tea for the ladies of the church. She organizes and hosts a Christmas dessert party for our neighborhood. She baked cookies, made fudge and toffee, and got our Christmas cards and letter out. She bought a jigsaw puzzle we put together as a family. She bought a new game we played as a family. She has prepared each of the kids' favorite meals while they are here for break.

Oh, and we have a couple of families in the church who are dealing with some life-threatening, life-altering issues and she's prepared and delivered meals to both of them. She made sure one of these families had Christmas presents to open, as well.

I'd better put a little thought into what I give her for Christmas!

And Paul tells Titus to communicate to the older ladies so that they can teach the younger ladies to "be subject to their own husbands." (2:5) Looking at this from our culture it looks like I might have ammunition to force my wife to do what I say. Just rip this out of the context of the passage and the context of the culture and try to force your wife to submit. I dare you.

Or, keep it in the context of the passage that also says that the older women are to teach the younger women to "fulfill their duties at home" (2:5) whick literally means, "be the despot of the house." That is, be very much in charge of what's happening in the home.

In the context of the culture there was societal pressure for every woman to submit to every man. As soon as a man walked in the room, no matter what relationship she had to him if any, every woman was to submit to what he said.

Paul was actually raising the value and independence of women while reducing their responsibilites to submit. The only man a women must submit to is her own husband, not any other male. And, she is absolutely in charge of what's going on in the house. There's no way any man would come into a house where the despot is in charge and tell her what to do in any way, shape or form.

She is free to fully exercise her gifts, intellect, talents and leadership skills and I'd better not get in her way! In fact, what I have to do is honor her. I have to lift her up. I need to tell her and show her that I love her, respect her and appreciate all that she does on behalf of the Lord for our children, our friends, neighbors, church, and me.

I'd better put some thought into what I giver her for Christmas!

Programs Don't Do This

We can't program this. There's no way to organize this so it works following a set of simple guidelines. It's too complicated.

People can make it happen, though. It has to be a priority. It has to be genuine and there has to be an honest desire for it to occur.

Everyone has to understand their role and be mature about the process. A young pastor who's been trained in sound doctrine teaches it to people who've experienced more than he has. These recipients, take what they're taught and combine it with their experiences to teach other people who will undoubtedly go through these experiences at some point in their lives. And, that young pastor might even be a recipient.

Seems simple. Seems biblical. Why not?

Too often in churches today everyone wants the pastor to teach to their experiences. He'd better be relevant or they'll go find a pastor who is.

Well, if that the case then we should hire an older man to be our pastor because he's obviously experienced more. But, the young adults will argue, his experiences as a 20-year old were far different than theirs, now. He can't relate to them. He's irrelevant.

So, let's hire a young pastor. He'll bring passion and fire. But, he'll also bring inexperience. The older adults will argue that he's not speaking to them. His teaching lacks the depth that raising and launching teenagers will inevitably produce. He can't relate to them. He's irrelevant.

Older adults still want to be viewed as wise, mature and with something to offer the younger adults. But, somewhere along the way their doctrine gets stuck in traditional ruts. You know, husbands must lead. Wives must submit. Women should stay home, not work outside the home, the children need this.

Younger adults would love input. But they're done with old traditions. They are impersonal and irrelevant. Besides, in this economy, what family can really live on one income? Housing prices, SUV's, private schools, and traveling soccer teams are priced out of sight. Wives are college-educated, maybe even an MBA. Husbands are passive. And, besides, God created us all equal, right? Does it matter who leads?

Oh yes, so right. What does an older woman with only a high school degree who's stayed at home all her life really have to offer a young, high powered female exec? And, what does an older man who climbed the corporate ladder to became a vp and sacrificed hours with his family to provide financially for them have to offer a younger man whose more interested in living near the poverty line and taking his family on peace corp trips while his wife is studying for her MBA?

A LOT!

Then, who's going to pastor this group and what does he or she really have to offer them?

Modern church. Only God could make this work.

Who's Teaching What to Whom?

So, who's teaching whom, what?

Did you know that after the verb "communicate" (NET) or "teach" (NIV) in Titus 2:1 there's not another verb in the Greek text till the end of v.3 where Paul refers to older women teaching what is good.

And, that word "communicate" literally means to preach or lecture.

Paul had been instructing Titus for years on sound doctine. Now, he left him in Crete to finish the work of putting together the leadership structure in the church there.

Though, Titus was coming to know sound doctrine there were cultural things relevant to Crete that he did not know well, yet. At least, he hadn't studied Cretan Culture as long as he had studied sound doctrine under Paul.

Paul left him to strengthen the fabric and foundation of the church there in Crete. But he didn't know the culture. So, how could he teach the young Cretans how to treat their husbands or wives, how to raise their children in a godly home, how to run a godly household, how to manage finances biblically, how to run a business and treat customers, and other godly behaviors? He needed help from mature Cretans. But they didn't know sound doctrine. And, they needed to learn it and learn it fast.

So, Paul helped Titus set his priorities. He needed to communicate sound doctrine to the mature Cretans so that they could give relevant, cultural application with the doctrine to the younger adults in the church. He didn't have a lot of time for give and take, or a dialogue. He just needed to get the information out. So, he would have lectured a lot.

Mature adults tend to be better, more efficient learners. Mature adults process information more efficiently finding their applications faster and more accurately.

So, if I want to build into the fabric and foundation of Grace Church, I need to communicate sound doctrine to the older adults in the church and have you give relevant application to the doctrine and pass it on the younger adults.

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me. What do you think?

Able to Teach and Teachable

Titus 2:2
"Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance."

I remember what it was like this time of year in 1982 when I was working on my first Masters Degree, in education. I was finishing up assignments for my professors at the same time I was assigning end of semester projects for my students. Interesting perspective.

Efficiency was imperative; on both ends. I appreciated, so much, my profs who were the best teachers. These were the classes where I really understood what they were trying to teach me and how it applied to what I was trying to do. Even when I'm a business major studying education and taking a history class. That history prof taught me a lot, not only about history, but how to read, process information, summarize and communicate the important facts to the rest of the class. Invaluable to a teacher.

I was impressed with the importance of helping my students mine the pearls from among the sand in the classes I was teaching. I wanted them to learn more than the subject matter, but also how to read, process information, summarize and communicate the important facts back to me.

That kind of immediate application sticks.

So, "old men" (Titus 2:2), are you teachable? And, by now, are you teaching?

Heb 5:11-14
"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil."

It's amazing how being a student will improve your teaching skills. And, how teaching will improve your learning skills.

I've known way too many old men who grew a lot (spiritually) as teenagers and in their early 20's. They grew a little more in their 30's. But something happened within them when they arrived in their 50's and 60's and they stopped learning. And, this is typically the age when we look to men to be leaders and teachers. If you've stopped learning you have also hamstrung your ability teach.

Deut 4:1
"Hear now, O Israel, the decrees and laws I am about to teach you."

Deut 5:1
"Hear, O Israel, the decrees and laws I declare in your hearing today. Learn them and be sure to follow them."

The Hebrew word used in 4:1 as "teach" is the same word used in 5:1 as "learn". The 2 processes are inseperable. The biblical definition of the process is, if the learners aren't learning then the teacher isn't teaching.

Hmmm. So, in order to be considered a good teacher, my students have to be learning. And, the only way to know if they are learning is if they are making better decisions than they were before.

And, in order to be a good teacher, I have to be a good student. Which means, someone is teaching me well enough that I'm making better decisions.

I need people in my life who are learning from others and in turn are investing in me. I need to be taking what I'm learning and in turn investing it in others. Almost sounds biblical, doesn't it?

Too many men short-circuit the process and check out of being students. But, when they do that they have retarded their ability to teach. How effective are they really?

So, old men, are you teachable? Are you seeing evidence in your life in the form of making better decisions today than you did last year?

Old men, are you teaching anybody right now? By now you ought to be teachers of deeper spiritual issues. Have you mastered them? Who's learning from you in such a way their life is marked by better decisions today than they were making a year ago?

Can you imagine a church where every man is learning and teaching?

Grace is a Chaser

Purity. We cannot make ourselves pure. In fact, no one is pure. Except...

Rom 3:21-24
"But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."

Mark 7:15
Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean.'

LIkewise, nothing going into a man can make him clean, either. There is nothing a man can do to make himself pure. The only thing we can do, which is quite enough, is to have faith that God, in his grace, has made us pure.

And, as Paul wrote to Titus, those that have no faith, not only cannot do anything to make themselves pure, everything they do, even what would be considered good by moral standards, is corrupted and no good.

This changes everything. The best work by the worst person is no good at all. The worst work by a good person, that is, one who has been declared good by God, is a good work. Someone who is declared good is motivated entirely differently than they were before they were declared good.

God won't let a declared good man go down the path of disobedience without chasing him and catching him. Jonah. God said, "Go up to Nineveh." Jonah ran down. He ran down to Joppa. Down to the pier. Down into the hold of the boat.

God chased him and caught him. So, Jonah thought suicide would be the best response so he had the sailors throw him down into the water. This is the ultimate in cowardly copouts. Rather than face the wrong deed and make it good, quit. God chased him into the water and wouldn't let quit.

Rather than allow him to drown, God had the big fish swallow him. And, literally, in the belly of the fish Jonah had his "come-to-Jesus" meeting.

Jonah, in his repentance, said this, "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs." (2:8)

He realized that unbelievers, who cling to idols are never chased down by those idols the way God chased him. He did not deserve to chased. In his mind he deserved to be let go and die. Not only did God see to it that he lived, he lived the abundant life that God offers all who believe.

Jonah got another chance. Grace. Followers of Jesus, those who believe, those who have been made pure by God who do bone-headed things that hurt people are chased down by God and given another chance. We get the chance to repent, atone and restore.

As leaders we need to do all that we can to help people recognize that they have been caught by God and are given another chance to do things right. Remember, their rightness or wrongness does not make them pure. They already are.

We are not God. We cannot become the issue. We must direct people to deal with the issue as God convicts them. Still, they are pure because God made them pure. Their actions, though questionable, are all part of the process God takes us through to grow us up.

Since purity is a declaration of God it changes how we view the actions of of brothers in Christ. Most who are running would get to point where they would rather be let go. But they won't be. The Holy Spirit is a chaser. He might use one of us in the process, but make no mistake, God is the chaser.

Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit that grace that could be theirs. Thank God that grace is a chaser. He will never let us go.

Acceptable by God's Standards

"All is pure to those who are pure. But to those who are corrupt and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their minds and consciences are corrupted." (Titus 1:15 NET)

So, are you a 'meat-eater' or a 'vegetarian'? Remember Romans 15:7?

"Receive one another, then, just as Christ also received you, to God’s glory." NET

Those who ate meat ridiculed and disrespected those who did not. They didn't because they were convicted that it was irresponsible and ungodly. I'm sure they made a very convincing case for their spiritual health and physical health. After all, meat carried many illnesses and the chance of becoming ill after eating it was greater than if you abstained.

The vegetarians resented those who ate meat believing that they were immature and irresponsible. But the meat eaters believed Paul was literally correct when he wrote Titus 1:15 and 1 Corinthians 10:23-33

"Everything is permissible"-but not everything is beneficial . "Everything is permissible"-but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it."

If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience' sake— the other man's conscience, I mean, not yours. For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience? If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." NIV

Think about the things that divide us. There are those significant doctrinal differences and sinful activities. Then, there are those things that shouldn't but do anyway.

Should we fight to keep prohibitions of the use of alcohol and tobacco in or out of our church constitutions? Should we argue and divide over whether or not the rapture will occur before, during or after the tribulation? Then what about the large number of Christians who don't believe there will be a rapture at all?

One of our highest priorities is to be unified. We are not supposed to be uniform, however. As leaders, we must not only maintain peace but promote it. And, our promotion sometimes will test our ability to accept those who don't do things the way we do them.

Can we be the model church by not requiring everyone model their behavior after 'me'? And, leaders fight fiercely for our freedom in Christ so that each one of us can live our lives as the Holy Spirit directs.

All this to God's glory.

Looking for the Fix or for the Fight?

So, when do you bring the hammer and when do let things slide?

I think my kids when they were 2-years old and now as young adults. When they run down the driveway full speed toward the street, at one time I would punish them severely for that. Now, sometimes I might even encourage it. Or, when they're 2 it's okay for them to "invite Jesus into their heart." Now, they need to know it's the Holy Spirit that indwells them.

When do you correct things? How hard should they be hit (Not literally, of course)? Or, just let it slide?

In 1 Corinthians 5 Paul addresses the discipline of immoral Christians. He says, in effect, hit them hard with your hammer. But, in terms of immoral people who are outside the church, if you hit them at all, go easy.

There were issues that the 1st century church dealt with that Paul wrote to Timothy and Titus about. These were created by either current Jews or Jewish converts to Christianity who were bringing myths and genologies into the doctine and teachings of the church.

They were leaders. And, the doctrine was directly related to salvation. There may have been more to this, but we know that this was specifically addressed.

So, elders, you who have one wife and faithful, obedient children. You must humbly, without looking for a fight, with great self-control and sensibility correct people who are leading others in a direction that cause them to misunderstand their salvation.

Have you ever tried to correct somebody who was looking for a fight and keep it civil and peaceful? Not easy! This is where an elder really earns his pay. Unfortunately, too many elders are the ones looking for the fight. But, the elder's job is to keep the peace. And, if the one being corrected is too divisive it's time for him to go.

We're called to lead sheep. Sheep aren't the brightest bulbs in the pasture. They don't think for themselves and are very needy. If you turn one sheep away, no doubt, he will soon be devoured.

Elders are called to collect people, people of diverse background and maturity level, oversee their spiritual development, keep them unified and peaceful, and lead them to Jesus who can fix what's broken in their lives. The priority is the fix not the fight.

Sometimes we have to fight, but only when the fix is at stake for the rest.

We have talked a lot about the relational work that's done in the context of the church. Our priority is always the relationships. The teaching always supports the relationships. If it's not, then the teaching needs to change.

If the work is being done early when people are first coming to the church, the relationships are being strengthened and the doctrine is true then there will be less and less call for the hammer. And, that's our goal. If we can maintain a healthy bond among leaders, up and comers, members and guests; then the need to hammer someone will rarely, if ever occur.

Timing is important. Hopefully, issues that have the potential to divide the entire congregation can be dealt with very early on. Then, if the one who would eventually split the church needs to move on then the loss is only this one or just a few like-minded. Elders must be active, not passive, and take the initiative to address things when they're still just sparks or small fires before they become raging forest fires.

Still, the million-dollar question is when. That's where the elders' walk with God is so important. God will let us know when the time is right and what weight of discipline to bring. Though we'll never be perfect, we can be right most of the time.

Pursue the fix not the fight.

Knock Knock. Who's There?

Caller ID has eliminated one embarrassing event that occurred way too often to me. Remember when you used to get calls and you just hoped that the person calling you would identify themselves in the first couple of words? Did you ever think you were talking to one person only to realize a few sentences in that you were talking to someone else?

Cell phones have helped, too. I've called church members before and had who I thought was the adult parent answer the phone. Can I be blamed when a teenage boy's voice hadn't changed yet leading me to think I was talking to his mother? Men, do you know how demoralizing that is to a young man? I could have ruined him for life.

So, here's an issue that more men struggle with than ever realize. Do you recognize the voice of God when he communicates with you? Can you tell the difference between his voice and your own silent wishful thinking or another's impassioned voice in your head?

1 Kings 19:11-13

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind . After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
NIV

Having the Bible to study is invaluable for growing in our relationship with God. God spoke and under the direction of the Holy Spirit men wrote it down. Now, we discuss and sometimes argue over the interpretation and implication of these words. Still, the Bible has a lot of black and white.

What I mean is, we work hard to study and know what the Bible says and we can catagorize it in so many ways. By applying our God-given intellect we gain insight and discover nuances in meaning that have life-changing implications. However, this intellectual exercise has serious limitations.

Our relationship with God is not an intellectual exercise. It's no different than my relationship with my wife. Now, I have to be smart about how I relate to my wife, but the dynamic requires much more than my ability to catagorize and intellectualize loving her. And, you all know this is true.

The bible is a lot of black and white. But, God whispers in shades of gray. Certainly, he does not contradict anything in the writings. But the application to each of us is nuanced for our own unique situations.

Typically, we are very good at talking about the Bible and God. As men, stereotypically, we are not very good at letting God into our lives at a deep enough level that it brings fundamental change. We don't read instructions or ask for directions. We're problem solvers and no one can tell me how to solve my problems better than I can figure out on my own. Right?

So, can you recognize the voice of God when he whispers between the lines of the verses you're reading in your quiet time? Can you hear his voice when some long-winded preacher is droning on and your stomach is growling just about as loud? Do you hear his calming voice when our worship pastor is both rocking the house and later quietly unplugged? God speaks to everyone in the room and will speak to each one's unique circumstances. When your LIFE group shares applications from the night's study can you discern the difference between what God said to your friends versus what he said to you?

It's a leared skill. We can't read about it. We learn by trial and error and successful repetition.

So, can you recognize his voice after just a couple of words in your ear?

Healthy Habits

"He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." (Titus 1:9)

I have a hard time watching the Cowboys these days. They should be undefeated. I'm no expert, but it seems to me the mistakes they are making that are costing them games are so fundamental that they should have been addressed in the preseason.

Drills in the preseason are practiced repeatedly thousands of times. The principle behind the repetition is to do something so many times that it becomes habit. There's no pressure during the drill so take the time necessary to develop the appropriate habit.

Under pressure it is human nature to revert to habit. So, by developing good habits without any pressure, when thrust into the pressure cooker of game time a player will react correctly without having to think about it.

Another principle in practice is developed by the coach that every player fears. He's the guy that gets in your grill and raise the stress level in your life to a point where you're either going to wet your pants or perform your task perfectly for fear he will kill next time. Now, no coach is really going to kill his player. But if the player is just a little uncertain about this it can be used effectively by the coach to bring about the behavior he wants.

The gametime application of this that no game pressure will ever be as intense as that coach in your grill. So, if you can perform the task correctly, once you've rehearsed thousands of time without any pressure, then perfomed correctly under the intimidating glare of that coach, it will be a piece of cake to perform correctly with the game on the line and 80,000 rabid fans screaming bloody murder.

I need some men around me who can perform calmly and correctly when everything is on the line. I need men around me who are hold so firmly to the truth that nothing can pry their white-knuckled fingers from it. I need men around me who can obediently act on correct doctrine when weaker men would collapse under the pressure of the intensity of life.

These are the men that encourage me to work hard at my walk with Jesus so that I can perform obediently, too. I want to be one of those men for the men that follow me.

When I see guys who are being forced through the ringer in life and they are still calm and performing their priorties like loving their wife, not provoking their children, worshiping well, tithing, etc. I am encouraged to do the same. My life has been a walk in the park compared to some. And I see evidence of the faith in these men who have been challenged in incredible ways and are still strong. This encourages me to do the same.

You want to be mature? You want to qualify yourself to be considered as an elder? It starts by developing healthy relational habits long before the pressure of life demands the strength that these habits reinforce. Then, when in the pressure-cooker the habits hold up and your walk with God is stronger than ever.

Somewhere along in the preseason a group of football players never established these habits. Elders can't wait till game time, either, to form these habits.

How are your habits holding up?

Do You Walk With Jesus or Just Visit Him?

What would they say?

As we study the qualifications to be an elder we understand that these are tangible signs of maturity and wisdom. Only God knows your heart. And, yes he calls you (or not) to be an elder. But other men have to see something and appoint you.

We all dress up, literally and figuratively, and go to church. We go to Wake Up Call. We go to LIFE Group. We wear our holy (Un-holey) underwear, freshly washed jeans, untuck our shirts and go worship, study and fellowship. Some of us even clean up our language. Though a certain unnamed preacher once cussed in the pulpit in discussing the Big Dam Bridge and referred to the "whole dam(n) proces".

Anyway, we all get an impression of each other in these places. But, what are you like when you're not in these places or with these people? What would those guys say? They're the ones you at deer camp with you. Or, those golf weekends. Your card-playing friends. How would all your lost friends describe you in relation to this list in Titus?

Who are you, really? Who is the real you? How different are you between these different groups?

Do you walk with Jesus or do you just visit him? Randy brought up a great point. Sometimes we get so busy doing Christian things we confuse being religous with building a relationship. I can be busy doing the things that a married man does including bring home the bacon, maintain the house and cars and track the hurricanes in the gulf. I can do all those things as well or better than any of the rest of you but still have a lousy marriage because I didn't walk with my wife.

The "real" me shows up when I let my hair down. Typically, I put my hair up for church and in front of you guys. But I let my hair down when I go play. And, I play with some of you. So, am I the same guy on the golf course that am at Panera on Wednesdy morning or in the pulpit on Sunday?

Are you the same guy everywhere you go? Consistency is developed as you walk. Build your relationship while you practice your religion. Then, the guys at the deer camp will recognize you when they see you at church. Except you'll smell better at church.

Declarations and Sacrifices

Elders are good worshipers. Leaders, by definition, do things just at least a bit little better than their followers.

Words are cheap. You can say anything. And, if you can keep your distance no one will ever know the difference.

Some sinners are good at this, for a while. Eventually, they will be found out. No secret stays secret forever. I recently found out that a man who many respected had sexually molested his daughter when she was between 6 and 13 years old. He passed away and was remembered quite magnanimously at his funeral. Few outside the family ever knew.

It's relatively easy to give the appearance of being a good worshiper. Attendance is the key. Just make sure you're seen just about every Sunday.

Of course, just because you're in the room when a worship service is going on doesn't mean you're worshiping. Focusing on what God is saying to you is the most important thing. That requires humility, discipline and the ability to hear the voice of God clearly.

Just because you're not in the room doesn't mean you're not worshiping. But you'd better be someplace worshiping. And, just because you're not seen doesn't mean your not worshiping, either, right?

Implied in hearing the voice of God is acting on what you hear. An elder is someone who hears God and responds. Actions are sometimes private and sometimes public. They are sometimes small and sometimes very large.

One of my favorite elders from a previous church taught the 4th grade Sunday School class for years. If you didn't have a 4th grader you probably never would have known. He's the elder that successfully taught most of his students to have quiet times.

When God calls a man out he has a choice. A man who chooses to obey no matter what it costs him is a man who is qualifying himself to be an elder. Humbly, not seeking rewards, attention or the limelight even though giving hours and lots of emotional energy by investing in 10-year olds is pretty cool.

A man who does what God calls him out to do will have some stories to tell, too. They'll be stories of how God brought peace in the middle of a tumultuous time. They'll be stories of how God provided financially when there was no apparent way that there would be enough. They'll be stories of lives changing, marriages reconciling, standing in the gap, and being strong when others would collapse.

Worship involves giving God things of real value. You have nothing more valuable than your life. And, once you've given you life to God then, from time to time he'll ask you for your "Isaac", too. And, when God does something big, declare it loudly and publicly.

So, an elder gives a little bit more than most. Much of it is given in private. An, elder has some pretty good stories to tell, too. But, because they tend to be humble you'll have to ask.

When's the last time you asked an elder about what he's seen God do?

At Ease

You know there are those guys who just make you feel comfortable. They are the ones whose questions and body language are welcoming and put you at ease.

Then there are those guys who make you tense. Maybe they're awkward. Maybe they're shy. Maybe they're just plain mean. It doesn't matter if you're in their house or if they come to yours, their aura dominates the room and it's tense.

I worked for a pastor who tried really hard to put his staff at ease. He knew it was important to ask good questions in one-on-one situations. It didn't matter if it was social or professional, he worked hard at this.

The problem was, he worked too hard. It was awkward. Especially in those one-on-one, boss/subordinate meetings where we had to disucss a difficult issue. You've heard the saying, "shoot first and ask questions later." Well, he shot with his questions.

It was obvious he was trying to tell me something only he phrased it in a question. He wasn't interested in a yes or no response. What he was looking for was agreement with him.

The odd thing was he was very good in counseling situations. He would put people at ease immediately and make great progress in their issues. But, when the issue was his it did not go well.

Elders are to be hospitable. Some guys just do it better than others. Christian life is a life of transparency, honesty and encouragement. There are guys, some are more gifted and all of them work at getting people to feel comfortable and open up.

Think about all the guys you know. Maybe, think about the guys who sit around the table at Panera. Some put you at ease better than others. These are the guys who meet this qualification.

What do you need to do to qualify yourself?

Elders Don't Leave Bruises

This is probably where most men prove their qualification, or lackthereof, to be an elder.

I know this is a story I've told before, but it bears repeating for this post.

I had missed our last LIFE group meeting when my leader told me about a prolonged discussion our group had had. It centered around the frequency we had communion in our worship services. The group discussion was "spirited", emotional, passionate. The members shared how important communion is to them and how meaningful of a worship experience it is. I asked how often the group members would like for us to do it. My leader replied, "We thought monthly would be the best frequency." I asked, "How often do you think we do it?" He replied, "We think it's done about quarterly."

The group had drawn conclusions, made decisions, and were pretty fired up about what they wanted to communicate to me about what needed to change in our worship planning.

Interesting. When I informed our leader that we actually do communion monthly our discussion changed a bit. Some of our group members serve in Children's ministry regularly and miss some worship services. But, some just didn't come to church when we did communion. They had their reasons.

Of course, what I wanted to say was, "So, how important is communion and worship really?! When you sleep in or just don't make it to church on Sunday you can't come back at me and tell me how important communion is."

But I can't say that. As a leader I understand that I am going to be critiqued on a regular basis and in a lot of areas. And, unfortunately, some of the time the conclusions, decisions and reactions are based upon perceptions that are not reality.

Some of time the input I get is incredibly valuable as I have blindspots. I'll be the first to tell you how imperfect I am. And, when you have regular opportunities to display your imperfections, like I do on a weekly basis, there are about 100 people who clearly observe every flaw that I display. In order for me to grow and improve in what I do I need to know where I'm swinging and missing.

People pointing out my actual imperfections is hard enough. But, when they point out their perceptions of my imperfections that are not exactly accurate; now that's a tough situation to react to.

Let me paraphrase Titus 1:7. An elder is humble and takes people's criticsm well. He doesn't go off on them and point out their numerous flaws and imperfections in order to deflect from his own. He doesn't drink to forget the people he's in charge of shepherding. Of course that's because the people will still be there when he sobers up. He doesn't drink to ease the pain of their stinging barbs. That's because they'll just repeat them and add "drunkard" to their list. He won't leave bruises on the people he's shepherding. And, he won't demand a raise for all the critiquing he receives.

There are a number of decisions that elders make that are not obvious to the people. The rank and file only see the tip of the iceberg. There are decsions that cannot be discussed for good reasons and the people need to trust the elders.

I've been quesioned pointedly about why I had to ask for our Children's Ministry Director's resignation a couple of years ago. I can't give you the details due to confidentialities. But I can tell you it was a no-brainer. I didn't wrestle with the decision. What I wrestled with was how to care for her in light of what she had done and what we had to do. But, there are those whose preceptions of the situation are not the reality and their conclusion is that I didn't handle it appropriately.

So, re-read Titus 1:7 in light of how a man critiques his elders and staff and in light of how a man receives the critiques of others. Now, set out to qualify yourself.

Have I mentioned lately that elders get critiqued on a regular basis?

When Right Isn't Obvious

So, how are the wisemen who visited Jesus like East Texas firemen? They both come from 'afar'.

Okay, sorry. But, having dropped my second child off at college and dealing with a couple of very minor issues with him since and a couple of things with my daughter who's a senior this year have shown me how much harder parenting is from afar than while the kids are still in the house. When I want to do some parenting with my youngest I just have to call him away from the Wii or wait till he gets home from work. Much more convenient.

I was at the Nehemiah Network prayer lunch last week. The Nehemiah Network is a gathering of pastors from all around Central Arkansas. This is the group behind Cityfest and Sharefest. Anyway, one of the pastors from one of the largest churches in the area shared that several years ago his son had been away at college 1 day and they received a call from the ER that he had alcohol poisoning. From the bubble of a sheltered house straight to rush week.

Respond to that. It's your son. Or, it's your pastor's son. Or, it's your fellow elder's son. What do you do? Is there a verse that specifically describes this situation? Is he no longer qualified to be an elder or pastor? Maybe at first he's okay, but what would he have to do over the ensuing weeks to disqualify himself, if anything?

Wise decisions. Would they be a qualifier or filter? Wisdom is not listed in the qualifiers. But it sure is implied in every qualifier. Having one wife, no brainer. Kids raised well. Not arrogant. Not prone to anger. Not a drunkard. Not violent. Not greedy. Hospitable, devoted to good, sensible, upright, devout and self-controlled. It would seem to me that wisdom is the foundation for each of these.

Then, there's the critic. The next qualifier is the ability to recognize sound doctrine, encourage it and correct what's wrong. So, an elder must be a critic. Must be able to criticize humbly. Doctrine isn't just the big and obvious like our doctrinal statement. It is also our doctrinal position that a husband should love his wife like Christ loves the church. So and elder will be a critic of how husbands treat their wives. There are many other behaviors that are doctrinal-based like sacrificial-giving, parenting, worshipping, quiet times, faith-sharing, etc.

Oh, and there's the other side of criticism. Here's a real shocker! An elder will be criticized by members of the congregation, who, by lack of qualification are not elders. An elder must be able to receive criticism humbly and without knocking the critic out.

Joseph didn't have leadership books to help him negotiate the meeting between his family and Pharaoh. Nor did he have any presedence on how the handle the food situation when the people ran out of money. Yet, he demonstrated tremendous wisdom in how he handled both situations.

So, how do you handle situations where there is not a clear right nor wrong? It's your son who's lying in the ER too far away and way too close to death. Or, it's your pastor's son who's lying there and you know some of the people in the church will not respond well to this. You may have some criticism for your pastor. And, you know you will be criticized for how you handle him. How do you receive criticism? How do you give it? Is your doctrine sound?

Can you imagine a church where the people love each other enough only major on major issues and when faced with a major issue they remain united and respectful of one another? It sure would cut down on church-hopping!

The only way to prepare for any of this is by growing in your knowledge of Jesus and the truth that is in keeping with godliness (v.1) A close walk. You'll be ready for much more. Ultimately, isn't that the only qualifier as each verb in the list above is indicative of a man's position in and with Jesus?

There's no way to specifically prepare for everything. But there is a way to prepare for anything. These are the men who will comprise the group from whom our elders will be chosen.

Qualifiers and Filters

I remember when Sara and I first met. It just "clicked". We were both part of the singles class at our church. The first time we ever had an extended conversation was when my roommate and I hosted a party at our apartment. She came. I don't remember anything else about the party, but I do remember Sara.

Now, with nearly adult children, 2 in college, I have a little different perspective on choosing a spouse for them. That whole "just clicking" thing scares me, a lot. I think about all the tatoo'ed, body-pierced, wild-hairs they could possibly "click" with. What really matters? What qualifies someone to be considered spousal material for my child? And, just because they are qualified, are they a good match?

What qualifies someone to be considered spousal material? Well, a Jesus-follower who is walking closely with Jesus. Obviously, faith is the most important and first thing to check. Then, there are plenty of Jesus followers who just aren't following very closely. In my mind, they're DQ'd.

I think of a number of our friends from that group. All of our closest friends were faithful and walking pretty closely. Why, then, did Sara and I end up together and not with any other from that group? By the way, my roommate had a crush on her and I found out later had specifically invited her to that party to ask her out later. She ended up with me. Ooops.

Filters. These are the things like personality, interests, physical attraction, going the same direction in life and common background. She's an abstract thinker and I'm anal. She's creative and I'm concrete. She's more about the people and I'm more about the details. We're both athletic, game-players and competitive. Every time we play a game we keep score because somebody has to lose. If there's blood, tough. Rub a little dirt on it.

Choosing elders is a lot like this. There are the biblical qualifers. Things like husband of one wife, believing and obedient children, humble, hospitable, sensible, and self-controlled. These each are reflective of the condition of a man's heart with tangible expressions that the rest of us can see and judge.

Then, there are filters. These do not carry the weight of the scriptural qualifiers but are important in considering men for elders. At Grace, filters are things like participating in a LIFE Group, leading a group or ministry, attending our worship services (seems like a n0-brainer but notice worship attendance isn't listed in either Titus or Timothy), sacrificial giving (as pastor I have no idea what anyone else but my family gives to Grace but someone will need to know that everyone we're considering gives sacrificially), generous with time, and is committed to and involved in specific and describable ways in our mission of "Bringing LIFE to our Community".

Neither list above, qualifiers or filters, is exhaustive for this post. But you get the idea. All churches would have the same qualifiers. But some of their filters will be different. Fellowship would have similar filters but with dramatically different applications. They have 2 levels of elder. We're a very average sized church. Our elders are much more like associate pastors. There are ministry jobs that have to be done so we have paid and unpaid staff to do them.

Many men should get qualified. Most of these would make it through our filters. This is the pool of men we'd look into to find out who is called.

And with all this, remember, no one needs a title to lead. And if you're waiting to be appointed to a titled role in order to lead you'll probably not ever get appointed. Likewise, just because you may have a title, like pastor or elder, doesn't automatically mean you're a leader. That's when the work begins in earnest.

God is calling men to step up. We have let God down, as a lot, for some time now. We have let the church down. Step up. Qualify yourselves. Filter yourselves. Grace will be a source of LIFE to this community with our impact and influence spreading far and wide according to the number of men who can lead.