Elders Don't Leave Bruises

This is probably where most men prove their qualification, or lackthereof, to be an elder.

I know this is a story I've told before, but it bears repeating for this post.

I had missed our last LIFE group meeting when my leader told me about a prolonged discussion our group had had. It centered around the frequency we had communion in our worship services. The group discussion was "spirited", emotional, passionate. The members shared how important communion is to them and how meaningful of a worship experience it is. I asked how often the group members would like for us to do it. My leader replied, "We thought monthly would be the best frequency." I asked, "How often do you think we do it?" He replied, "We think it's done about quarterly."

The group had drawn conclusions, made decisions, and were pretty fired up about what they wanted to communicate to me about what needed to change in our worship planning.

Interesting. When I informed our leader that we actually do communion monthly our discussion changed a bit. Some of our group members serve in Children's ministry regularly and miss some worship services. But, some just didn't come to church when we did communion. They had their reasons.

Of course, what I wanted to say was, "So, how important is communion and worship really?! When you sleep in or just don't make it to church on Sunday you can't come back at me and tell me how important communion is."

But I can't say that. As a leader I understand that I am going to be critiqued on a regular basis and in a lot of areas. And, unfortunately, some of the time the conclusions, decisions and reactions are based upon perceptions that are not reality.

Some of time the input I get is incredibly valuable as I have blindspots. I'll be the first to tell you how imperfect I am. And, when you have regular opportunities to display your imperfections, like I do on a weekly basis, there are about 100 people who clearly observe every flaw that I display. In order for me to grow and improve in what I do I need to know where I'm swinging and missing.

People pointing out my actual imperfections is hard enough. But, when they point out their perceptions of my imperfections that are not exactly accurate; now that's a tough situation to react to.

Let me paraphrase Titus 1:7. An elder is humble and takes people's criticsm well. He doesn't go off on them and point out their numerous flaws and imperfections in order to deflect from his own. He doesn't drink to forget the people he's in charge of shepherding. Of course that's because the people will still be there when he sobers up. He doesn't drink to ease the pain of their stinging barbs. That's because they'll just repeat them and add "drunkard" to their list. He won't leave bruises on the people he's shepherding. And, he won't demand a raise for all the critiquing he receives.

There are a number of decisions that elders make that are not obvious to the people. The rank and file only see the tip of the iceberg. There are decsions that cannot be discussed for good reasons and the people need to trust the elders.

I've been quesioned pointedly about why I had to ask for our Children's Ministry Director's resignation a couple of years ago. I can't give you the details due to confidentialities. But I can tell you it was a no-brainer. I didn't wrestle with the decision. What I wrestled with was how to care for her in light of what she had done and what we had to do. But, there are those whose preceptions of the situation are not the reality and their conclusion is that I didn't handle it appropriately.

So, re-read Titus 1:7 in light of how a man critiques his elders and staff and in light of how a man receives the critiques of others. Now, set out to qualify yourself.

Have I mentioned lately that elders get critiqued on a regular basis?