Qualifiers and Filters

I remember when Sara and I first met. It just "clicked". We were both part of the singles class at our church. The first time we ever had an extended conversation was when my roommate and I hosted a party at our apartment. She came. I don't remember anything else about the party, but I do remember Sara.

Now, with nearly adult children, 2 in college, I have a little different perspective on choosing a spouse for them. That whole "just clicking" thing scares me, a lot. I think about all the tatoo'ed, body-pierced, wild-hairs they could possibly "click" with. What really matters? What qualifies someone to be considered spousal material for my child? And, just because they are qualified, are they a good match?

What qualifies someone to be considered spousal material? Well, a Jesus-follower who is walking closely with Jesus. Obviously, faith is the most important and first thing to check. Then, there are plenty of Jesus followers who just aren't following very closely. In my mind, they're DQ'd.

I think of a number of our friends from that group. All of our closest friends were faithful and walking pretty closely. Why, then, did Sara and I end up together and not with any other from that group? By the way, my roommate had a crush on her and I found out later had specifically invited her to that party to ask her out later. She ended up with me. Ooops.

Filters. These are the things like personality, interests, physical attraction, going the same direction in life and common background. She's an abstract thinker and I'm anal. She's creative and I'm concrete. She's more about the people and I'm more about the details. We're both athletic, game-players and competitive. Every time we play a game we keep score because somebody has to lose. If there's blood, tough. Rub a little dirt on it.

Choosing elders is a lot like this. There are the biblical qualifers. Things like husband of one wife, believing and obedient children, humble, hospitable, sensible, and self-controlled. These each are reflective of the condition of a man's heart with tangible expressions that the rest of us can see and judge.

Then, there are filters. These do not carry the weight of the scriptural qualifiers but are important in considering men for elders. At Grace, filters are things like participating in a LIFE Group, leading a group or ministry, attending our worship services (seems like a n0-brainer but notice worship attendance isn't listed in either Titus or Timothy), sacrificial giving (as pastor I have no idea what anyone else but my family gives to Grace but someone will need to know that everyone we're considering gives sacrificially), generous with time, and is committed to and involved in specific and describable ways in our mission of "Bringing LIFE to our Community".

Neither list above, qualifiers or filters, is exhaustive for this post. But you get the idea. All churches would have the same qualifiers. But some of their filters will be different. Fellowship would have similar filters but with dramatically different applications. They have 2 levels of elder. We're a very average sized church. Our elders are much more like associate pastors. There are ministry jobs that have to be done so we have paid and unpaid staff to do them.

Many men should get qualified. Most of these would make it through our filters. This is the pool of men we'd look into to find out who is called.

And with all this, remember, no one needs a title to lead. And if you're waiting to be appointed to a titled role in order to lead you'll probably not ever get appointed. Likewise, just because you may have a title, like pastor or elder, doesn't automatically mean you're a leader. That's when the work begins in earnest.

God is calling men to step up. We have let God down, as a lot, for some time now. We have let the church down. Step up. Qualify yourselves. Filter yourselves. Grace will be a source of LIFE to this community with our impact and influence spreading far and wide according to the number of men who can lead.