Sensitive or Successful?

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart." (Ps. 37:4)

God is in the process of fulfilling his dream for my life. The closer I can come to accepting his dream over my own dream for my life the more satisfied I will be.

My satisfaction is my responsibility. That is, I decide, not what satisfies me, but what I will look to in order to be satisfied. Will I stubbornly stick with my own dream, will I develop a hybrid dream based on what God has for me and my own dream, or, will I crucify my own dream and accept God's dream lock, stock and barrell?

Obviously, one of those "Duh" questions. Intellectually I get it. But in reality do I do it?

If I am really accepting God's dream as my own then I have a heightened sensitivity to what he's doing in me and around me. Whenever I check out of God's activity and into my own activity I have ceased to become sensitive to God.

If I am really accepting God's dream as my own it doesn't matter how I end up looking to everybody else. You might look at me as an abject failure. But, if that's God's dream then, okay. And, I'd be lying through my teeth if I said this would not be a real struggle for me. I am just about as competitive as anyone and I do not like failing. I like even less you thinking I look like a failure.

So, if I'm choosing guys to join me in leadership I'm more interested in guys who are sensitive to what God's doing around them then how successful they look. It doesn't take much of a relationship with a guy to know whether or not his success is deep or shallow.

Therefore, how sensitive are you to what God is saying and doing to you, in you and around you? When you're hungry, where do you go to eat? Obviously, I don't mean 5 Guys versus Dam Good Pies. But, do you find your filling in the Word, prayer, worship, fellowship and the like? There are plenty of guys who will practice these disciplines and end up just as hungry as when the started. There's a study, too. Do you find your filling there?

Can we all agree none of us is perfect? Okay, then can you name your last sin? It might be easier for you to name my last sin then your own! If you can't name it, then either the Holy Spirit isn't in you, you're Jesus, or, you're not listening. And, if you can't name it then you can't confess it. And, if you haven't confessed it then the guilt still hangs on you.

Do you see God's dream for your life even when you feel like you're living in a nightmare? Joseph lived through slavery and imprisonment. It took 20+ years before he saw God fulfill the dream He gave him. Yet, while living the nightmare "The Lord was with him and made him successful."

Do you see in your life where things just went much better than they should have. Mercy is not getting something bad that you deserve. Grace is getting a bonus that you don't deserve and cannot possibly repay. God doesn't wait till Heaven to administer his mercy and grace in our lives.

One obvious way to know if you are a sensitive recipient of God's mercy and grace is whether or not you can dispense it. Joseph had his brothers right where he could exact his revenge and he set them free. And, he gave them their money back and let them keep their food, it was free. I am convicted by the thought that I make people pay too much for what I do for them.

Hunger, conviction, dream fulfillment, mercy and grace are all tools of God that he will use to get our attention and make us aware of his activity around us. I want to be one of those guys who is aware and sees tangible ways God is granting me the desires of my heart. And, I want guys around me who are just like that, too.

Unpacking Hard Things

Some things are just hard. Marble countertops. Knowing what to get my wife for her birthday. My thick head when it comes to the pursuit of my own pleasure.

These pale in comparison to some of the issues we tackle that we come across in our study. Understanding election. Divorce and remarriage. Will the rapture happen before, during or after the tribulation period? Will there even be a rapture? A tribulation? And, what about the Kingdom? Now? or Later?

"We have much to say about this but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." Heb. 5:11-14

Notice, the author says the problem is not that the material is tough. It is tough. The problem is mature believers don't try to tackle them. We have become "slow to learn." As a result we have not trained ourselves to distinguish between good and evil; and implied, do good.

We cannot shy away from tough issues. Even the ones that are emotionally charged. And few are more emotional powder kegs than divorce and remarriage.

As we get together next week, please pray that we can all separate ourselves from our opinions. I appreciate all of you and what you feel and think. However, when we get to tough topics like this it is very important to let the words mean what they mean. Definitions provide firm boundaries for interpretation. Feelings are good. But facts provide boundaries in which our feelings can roam.

The cultural context in which they were written is important, too. When you do your study of the passages that pertain take the time to learn the context in which they were written and received.

The more work we all do in advance the more progress we will make in the hour we have.

Please don't come loaded for bear. Come asking good questions. I have always appreciated much more the good questions people ask me then the good answers they give me. And the best questions are the ones that the asker sincerely doesn't know for sure what the answer is.

I like that we're diving in to some tough water. This issue has been argued even for centuries before Jesus walked the earth. We'll argue a little bit ourselves, too. Remember, our priority to to walk away united.

Try Tackling a Terabyte Problem With a 90 Kilobyte Floppy

My wife's just a little out of date. Ooh. Taken out of context that could get me in a lot of trouble. Context?

Back when we were first married she worked at a retail home computer store. She was trained in both sales and as a service tech. That's right, my wife was a member of the Nerd Herd of its day. She knew her way around the inside of a box with a screw driver.

Most of her service advice began like, "Insert the floppy disc in drive A..." Remember floppys? A whopping 90 KB of storage! It was a big deal when the first 1 meg. floppy came out. The first computer we bought together had a massive 40-meg hard drive. Wow.

Did I mention that was 26 years ago? Her training has lagged a little behind the curve. In fact, that ship sailed a long time ago. We're past KBs, megs, gigs, and we're on to terabytes now. Trust me, you can't solve a terabyte problem with kilobyte skills.

Our walk with Jesus is a lot like this. When we first come to know Jesus he's good enough to us to only reveal the easy things that need to change. These are the lifestyle and attitude issues that can be solved with KB tools. Things like not using the "s" word when I'm mad. Or, not telling off-color and racist jokes.

The longer we walk with Jesus the deeper he gets into our lives. We move into MB issues like communicating and being romantic with my wife. It takes some of us while to realize a clean t-shirt, socks and a 6-pack won't get our wives in the mood like it works for us. (It might take a nice Merlot or Pinot.)

Over time we move into GB issues. God's greater purpose for our lives is much more than our own private walk. Jesus really did place me here, right now, among these people to allow his love and leadership to flow through me to bring them along in my journey with me. Tracts and canned curricula are good to a point. But there's sometimes a chasm between the point of the bible study and the position of the guys in the study. It requires a big ole' Jesus tool to span that gap so that lesson meets that guy where he really is. And Jesus gave me that tool to use.

Then, there are the TB issues. How do you know who's got TB tools? Husband of one wife. Kids who are Jesus-followers and are reasonably obedient. Not greedy. Not picking fights all the time. Sensible. Self-controlled.

TB issues involved leading large groups of people. If it were easy, any old KB person could do it. But Paul was clear with Timothy about not appointing a new believer to the post of elder. Elders still have to deal with individuals and connect lessons with lives. But, they also have to deal with groups (mobs sometimes) trends and culture. Elders need to know the past, have a great understanding of the present and be able to see into the future.

Anyone naive enough to believe that we've hit the ceiling with terabytes? Anyone naive enough to believe that once you've taken the role of an elder you're done needing to grow? This is where the hard work is required grow. As a new beliver we think growth is so hard. It's only hard because it's new. TB growth requires that you have developed the skill of hearing the voice of God in your life that goes beyond just the black and white on the page.

I would suggest not calling my wife if you have a computer problem. Likewise, I would suggest not calling any man to TB position if they're only competent with KBs.

Maybe Jesus on His Forehead Would Be Easier!

Throughout history God has done some extraordinary things to get his message across. A flood followed by a rainbow, an army marching laps around a city followed by its walls' collapse and a cross followed by an empty tomb.

One of the more interesting things he did is more subtle, still genius. When Pharaoh renamed Joseph, Zaphenath-Paneah every time an Egyptian asked Joseph for food he was acknowledging that God speaks to us, is alive and gives us life.

The Egyptians didn't even believe in God. They had their own gods. Yet, all their gods couldn't tell Pharaoh what his dream meant, much less control the weather.

It doesn't matter whether or not you believe in God he can use you to accomplish his plan. He arranged for the most powerful nation on earth to be a blinking becon of the truth when everyone in the region had to come to Egypt for food.

Jesus, just before he ascended assigned us the task of being witnesses on his behalf. He assured us, and has confirmed, that we would have all the power we need do this. God would never put us in a round room and tell us to sit in the corner. Nor, would he tell us to do something lhe didn't give us the resources to accomplish.

Jesus doesn't need us. He could write "Jesus Saves" on the forehead of Ahmadinejad if he wanted to. Wouldn't that be funny. If God can make everyone hungry and make them ask "God speaks and is alive" for food he can pretty much do anything to get his message across.

Jesus wants to use us. And, apparently, among the ways he uses us to communicate himself to others is by giving us the ability to stay married and raise believing children.

So, as a group, how are we doing?

This isn't such a stretch. Titus was limited in appointing elders to men who met these 2 qualifications, among others. They must be important. They obviously aren't easy.

The divorce rate among Christ-followers is the same as those who aren't. Each generation that comes along is farther from God than the last. Maybe this is too hard. Maybe we should appoint people even if they don't qualify under either of these 2 issues.

I've been married 26 years. I have 3 children. All my kids are Jesus-followers. But, with a 21-year old, 18-year old and 16-year old they still have lots of growing up to do. When they were little I could force them to look obedient. Now, they decide on their own. Raising nearly adult children is tough.

I think "Jesus Saves" on Ahmadinejad's forehead would be much easier. But God, in all his wisdom, decided another way. And, if you want to be a leader in 'the Way' then you need to be happily married and have believing children who are reasonably obedient.

The forehead idea sounds better every time I write it!

What's Your Major?

My head is swirling with everything about taking my son to college. Friday we leave to move him into the dorm for his freshman year. All kinds of thoughts and emotions are running amok in my mind.

I think he's ready. We've done a lot to prepare him. He knows how to budget, do laundry, eat square meals and have quiet times. And, I think I'm ready to have him go. Anyone else have an 18-year old that's presenting a little attitude in the house?

What now? I started the conversations with him long ago that God wanted him to grow into a responsible adult who would, among other things, be able to support his family. That meant he had to have a job. And, college is where he'd go to learn how to do a job and have a career. So, he's got to get a degree while majoring in a field of study that he will be able to support his family with someday.

Whatever he majors in has requirements. He can't pick courses haphazardly. He has to perform up to standards in order to have the GPA requirements. There will be advisors (and parents) keeping track, making sure he's on track. If he fails then there won't be a major, a degree, a job, a career, or me enjoying my empty nest.

At Wake Up Call we spent much of Wednesday morning discussing the process Grace has for selecting elders. We heard how things have been done in the past, how they are progressing presently and how we hope things will go in the future. We do have a plan and it's a vital responsibility for us to select men who will be great leaders for us.

Not only does the church need a process to select elders but individual men need a process by which they qualify themselves to be elders. What's your process? Just like my son needs select courses, do assignments, and successfully complete the degree requirements; men need to pretty much do the same to put them in the position to be considered when it's time to add to the elder board.

The biggest requirement we have is a dynamic relationship with Jesus.

After Jesus, requirements include a dynamic relationship with your wife, your kids, the community of believers, the community at large, your co-workers, clients, vendors , boss, subordinates and pretty much everyone else you might even have a casual chance encounter with. Do you get the idea that relationships are kind of important in qualifying yourself to be a leader in the church?

So, assuming that all of you are majoring in becoming and elder, where in the process does your Advisor have you?

Leader or Manager?

When you're looking for someone to fill an opening it's important to know what you're looking for. Round pegs and square holes come to mind.

I've heard many definitions of leader vs. mananger but they all boil down to this difference. Leaders facilitate change and managers maintain status quo.

I had a great manager in my first high school job at McDonalds. No one would admit publicly that they liked Dave. But you could tell we all did. He was great at getting us to maximize our training up to McDonalds standards. He didn't set the rules or change the rules. He enforced the rules.

One of our favorite things he did was occasionally he'd come back to the grill area during a rush hour and hold up a $20 bill and tell us that he'd split it between all four crew members when the rush was over. The kicker was he would deduct $1 for every mistake we made over the hour. When minimum wage was about $3 another $5 for the hour was a pretty good deal. So, we worked hard and usually got to split nearly all of it.

McDonalds had a great system. No manager needed make any changes. The crew was trained and the system worked. We just needed to maximize our training. And as we performed well we were regularly rated as one of the top McDonalds in town. Everyone was rewarded for that.

One of the best leaders I've ever known is Richard. He was the sales manager (notice title means little) of a food brokerage. He'd get these young, raw recruits and develop them into a top sales team. He had to motivate and facilitate a number of changes in these sales people in order to get them to be successful. And they were. This team was always among the top performers in the region.

Great leadership begins with the leader. A person can't facilitate change unless he is changing. I watched Richard lead himself through some pretty tough, but important changes. He was not moral as a young adult. He broke trust with his young wife years before. But I was there as they celebrated their 25th anniversary. Anyone who humbles himself and transforms like that is worthy of following.

Change always stirs things up. Status quo, even a bad status quo, is steady. The same is safe. Change is daring and risky.

Paul left Titus in Crete to appoint leaders. And the leader's job was to bring order and settle things. There's the rub.

Leadership implies change. Change stirs things up. But the best leaders calm things down. Titus was looking for "the most interesting man in the world. When he hits you in the mouth you will have to resist the urge to thank him."

Most people are very good at stirring things up. That's easy. Leaders stir people to change then calm them into a new status quo.

So, he's looking for elders for this new organization. He's not looking for managers. The qualifications mean that the men have demonstrated the ability to recognize who really needs to change and bring about the change then settle the people down into a new status quo. All this until the next change needs to be made. And the process repeats itself.

If it were easy we wouldn't need God and anyone could do it. The qualifications are set high and difficult to attain. If any man thinks he's easily qualified he doesn't understand the terms. Leadership is just about the hardest thing any of us could attempt.

So, are you a leader or a manager?

Relax Already

There are people that just make you feel like everything's going to be okay. Frank is one of those guys. You walk into his house where he and his wife, Ann, raised their boys you immediately relax. Nothing else may have changed. Whatever stressors you carried in with you are still somewhere. But just being in their house took them off your shoulders and sent them away.

My grandfather was not that way. He seemed to stir things up. He lived a roiled life and apparently loved to roil everyone he encountered. It worked for him at work. But family life was tense. He's the kind of guy that the family would keep secrets from for fear of how he'd respond. He had a hot temper with a quick trigger. Of course, all the secrets that were kept he eventually found out. Let's just say hiding things from him didn't calm him at all.

One big difference between the two, as I observed, is maturity. Now, my grandfather was older. But you can't confuse old with mature. Or, maybe better said this way; physical maturity does not imply emotional, spiritual, mental, or relational maturity.

It seems the path of our journey with Jesus intends to take us where complete maturity lies. Jesus has called a group of gifted people to use their gifts to motivate others to use their gifts in serving everyone in the church. As everyone serves each other it causes us all to mature. The result of the giving combined with the receiving produces maturity. The net result of maturity is peace. This is my summary of Eph. 4:11-16.

So, relax already. Peace. Calmness is tied to maturity. So, let's all grow up. I need for you to serve me in the way God gifted you so that I can grow up and live in peace. I need for you to let me serve you, too. All of us together will collectively mature the church as we individually mature. The net result. Peace.

Paul must have recognized that Titus was mature. He left him in Crete to settle things. He was looking for some of the same characteristics in the men on Crete that Paul saw in him. It takes one to know one, doesn't it?

So, he would have been looking for men who were actively serving. And, these pool of prospects would have been much stronger where the entire church was serving.

We need more men like Frank than men like my grandfather. In order to have more mature men we need for all of us to be actively working, serving each other. So, if your goal is peace then we all need to get and stay busy.

Interesting thought, I'll find peace while we all work hard serving each other. That makes me rethink what peace really is. And, those most at peace, who bring the most peace, who roil things up the least, will be the ones who will be asked to be elders.

So, relax already.

Dare to be Different

How different are you? Who notices?

Tom became a Christ-follower as an adult. He was already married and had kids. When my path crossed his later in his life, he admitted he and his wife hated each other in those early years. Bad habits. No reason to love. Whatever. They HATED each other.

Becoming a follower of Christ saved his marriage. Jesus made him different but he didn't make him love his wife. He had to learn to do that all over again. They both committed to trying hard to re-fall in love and it worked. The center piece of their efforts was a weekly date. No kids, no work, no distractions; just focusing on each other. Over time they fell back into love. That's different.

I love my wife very much. I could not imagine falling out of love with her. But, from the day I heard Tom's story I committed to taking my wife on a date every week. The Lord was with Tom. He worked hard at being different and not becoming a divorce statistic. My life is different because of Tom's story.

Tom was an elder in our church. And, he taught the 4th grade Sunday school class. He didn't have any of his kids in that class, they were older. He just loved to teach this age group. And, he was good.

Tom didn't use any curriculum the church could buy. He used his own. And, Tom had these 4th graders having quiet times with the Lord every day, all year. I saw some of these kids' notes from their times with the Lord. They were good.

So, if a 4th grader can have a quiet time every day, and a quality time with Jesus at that, why can't I. Ouch.

I have 3 kids. The oldest was about that age then. Hmmmm. If Tom can get these kids, who aren't his own, to have quiet times, why can't I teach my kids to have quiet times? I'm their father. I'm their (fearless) leader. Ouch.

Frank raised boys. Today, one's an orthopedic surgeon. He was the youngest to ever fellowhip under Dr. James Andrews. If you're a sports fan you know who Dr. James Andrews is in Atlanta. Another son went to SMU and majored in engineering. For kicks he stayed and went to law school there, too. Now he's an attorney for and oil and gas engineering firm doing great.

When my path crossed Frank's, and his boys' paths, I saw a man who always said "yes" to his boys unless he had a very good reason not to. Oh, they challenged that practice. He had to work hard to stay ahead of them and direct them in positive ways. He had to study hard to find out what the risks were to "yes". His sons love the Lord. And, they have vivid imaginations. They have both used the creativity their father cultivated in them at an early age to solve real big and bad problems as adults.

I try to always say "yes" to my kids when they ask me if they can try something. I come from a family where "no" was usually a very quick answer. It hasn't been easy. But, the Lord is with me. Okay, it's not like I'm trying be positive while I'm in prison like Joseph, but old habits die hard and I want my kids to turn out like Frank's boys. My life is different because of Frank's story. So are my kids' lives.

Jim wanted to know how his kids would handle the freedom of their first year of college. Jim is a pastor and you know what they say about Pastor's kids! Oh, and he raised 4 daughters, beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed lovers of Jesus, just like their mother.

So, Jim removed (almost) all their rules while they were seniors in high school. Talk about a high-wire act without a net. No curfew. Freedom. He told me that he wanted to be able to see how they handled the freedom while he still had the chance to talk to them about their choices. Of course, he always reserved the right to "adjust" their freedoms while they lived under his roof.

It worked beautifully. He sent his girls to state colleges and they continued to walk with the Lord and maintain good lifestyles.

I've tried this with 2 of my three so far. I have one more coming. My son flourished under the freedom. Best grades he's ever received during his senior year. My daughter went off to college and had done great. Found a great church, volunteers with YoungLife, has made great grades and great friends. Hmmmm. It seems to be working.

My life is different because of Jim's story, Frank's story and Tom's story. My kids are different than most of their peers for the same reason. These guys influenced more people than they will ever know this side of Heaven.

So, are you different? Who's close enough to notice?