Looking for the Fix or for the Fight?

So, when do you bring the hammer and when do let things slide?

I think my kids when they were 2-years old and now as young adults. When they run down the driveway full speed toward the street, at one time I would punish them severely for that. Now, sometimes I might even encourage it. Or, when they're 2 it's okay for them to "invite Jesus into their heart." Now, they need to know it's the Holy Spirit that indwells them.

When do you correct things? How hard should they be hit (Not literally, of course)? Or, just let it slide?

In 1 Corinthians 5 Paul addresses the discipline of immoral Christians. He says, in effect, hit them hard with your hammer. But, in terms of immoral people who are outside the church, if you hit them at all, go easy.

There were issues that the 1st century church dealt with that Paul wrote to Timothy and Titus about. These were created by either current Jews or Jewish converts to Christianity who were bringing myths and genologies into the doctine and teachings of the church.

They were leaders. And, the doctrine was directly related to salvation. There may have been more to this, but we know that this was specifically addressed.

So, elders, you who have one wife and faithful, obedient children. You must humbly, without looking for a fight, with great self-control and sensibility correct people who are leading others in a direction that cause them to misunderstand their salvation.

Have you ever tried to correct somebody who was looking for a fight and keep it civil and peaceful? Not easy! This is where an elder really earns his pay. Unfortunately, too many elders are the ones looking for the fight. But, the elder's job is to keep the peace. And, if the one being corrected is too divisive it's time for him to go.

We're called to lead sheep. Sheep aren't the brightest bulbs in the pasture. They don't think for themselves and are very needy. If you turn one sheep away, no doubt, he will soon be devoured.

Elders are called to collect people, people of diverse background and maturity level, oversee their spiritual development, keep them unified and peaceful, and lead them to Jesus who can fix what's broken in their lives. The priority is the fix not the fight.

Sometimes we have to fight, but only when the fix is at stake for the rest.

We have talked a lot about the relational work that's done in the context of the church. Our priority is always the relationships. The teaching always supports the relationships. If it's not, then the teaching needs to change.

If the work is being done early when people are first coming to the church, the relationships are being strengthened and the doctrine is true then there will be less and less call for the hammer. And, that's our goal. If we can maintain a healthy bond among leaders, up and comers, members and guests; then the need to hammer someone will rarely, if ever occur.

Timing is important. Hopefully, issues that have the potential to divide the entire congregation can be dealt with very early on. Then, if the one who would eventually split the church needs to move on then the loss is only this one or just a few like-minded. Elders must be active, not passive, and take the initiative to address things when they're still just sparks or small fires before they become raging forest fires.

Still, the million-dollar question is when. That's where the elders' walk with God is so important. God will let us know when the time is right and what weight of discipline to bring. Though we'll never be perfect, we can be right most of the time.

Pursue the fix not the fight.

Knock Knock. Who's There?

Caller ID has eliminated one embarrassing event that occurred way too often to me. Remember when you used to get calls and you just hoped that the person calling you would identify themselves in the first couple of words? Did you ever think you were talking to one person only to realize a few sentences in that you were talking to someone else?

Cell phones have helped, too. I've called church members before and had who I thought was the adult parent answer the phone. Can I be blamed when a teenage boy's voice hadn't changed yet leading me to think I was talking to his mother? Men, do you know how demoralizing that is to a young man? I could have ruined him for life.

So, here's an issue that more men struggle with than ever realize. Do you recognize the voice of God when he communicates with you? Can you tell the difference between his voice and your own silent wishful thinking or another's impassioned voice in your head?

1 Kings 19:11-13

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind . After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
NIV

Having the Bible to study is invaluable for growing in our relationship with God. God spoke and under the direction of the Holy Spirit men wrote it down. Now, we discuss and sometimes argue over the interpretation and implication of these words. Still, the Bible has a lot of black and white.

What I mean is, we work hard to study and know what the Bible says and we can catagorize it in so many ways. By applying our God-given intellect we gain insight and discover nuances in meaning that have life-changing implications. However, this intellectual exercise has serious limitations.

Our relationship with God is not an intellectual exercise. It's no different than my relationship with my wife. Now, I have to be smart about how I relate to my wife, but the dynamic requires much more than my ability to catagorize and intellectualize loving her. And, you all know this is true.

The bible is a lot of black and white. But, God whispers in shades of gray. Certainly, he does not contradict anything in the writings. But the application to each of us is nuanced for our own unique situations.

Typically, we are very good at talking about the Bible and God. As men, stereotypically, we are not very good at letting God into our lives at a deep enough level that it brings fundamental change. We don't read instructions or ask for directions. We're problem solvers and no one can tell me how to solve my problems better than I can figure out on my own. Right?

So, can you recognize the voice of God when he whispers between the lines of the verses you're reading in your quiet time? Can you hear his voice when some long-winded preacher is droning on and your stomach is growling just about as loud? Do you hear his calming voice when our worship pastor is both rocking the house and later quietly unplugged? God speaks to everyone in the room and will speak to each one's unique circumstances. When your LIFE group shares applications from the night's study can you discern the difference between what God said to your friends versus what he said to you?

It's a leared skill. We can't read about it. We learn by trial and error and successful repetition.

So, can you recognize his voice after just a couple of words in your ear?

Healthy Habits

"He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." (Titus 1:9)

I have a hard time watching the Cowboys these days. They should be undefeated. I'm no expert, but it seems to me the mistakes they are making that are costing them games are so fundamental that they should have been addressed in the preseason.

Drills in the preseason are practiced repeatedly thousands of times. The principle behind the repetition is to do something so many times that it becomes habit. There's no pressure during the drill so take the time necessary to develop the appropriate habit.

Under pressure it is human nature to revert to habit. So, by developing good habits without any pressure, when thrust into the pressure cooker of game time a player will react correctly without having to think about it.

Another principle in practice is developed by the coach that every player fears. He's the guy that gets in your grill and raise the stress level in your life to a point where you're either going to wet your pants or perform your task perfectly for fear he will kill next time. Now, no coach is really going to kill his player. But if the player is just a little uncertain about this it can be used effectively by the coach to bring about the behavior he wants.

The gametime application of this that no game pressure will ever be as intense as that coach in your grill. So, if you can perform the task correctly, once you've rehearsed thousands of time without any pressure, then perfomed correctly under the intimidating glare of that coach, it will be a piece of cake to perform correctly with the game on the line and 80,000 rabid fans screaming bloody murder.

I need some men around me who can perform calmly and correctly when everything is on the line. I need men around me who are hold so firmly to the truth that nothing can pry their white-knuckled fingers from it. I need men around me who can obediently act on correct doctrine when weaker men would collapse under the pressure of the intensity of life.

These are the men that encourage me to work hard at my walk with Jesus so that I can perform obediently, too. I want to be one of those men for the men that follow me.

When I see guys who are being forced through the ringer in life and they are still calm and performing their priorties like loving their wife, not provoking their children, worshiping well, tithing, etc. I am encouraged to do the same. My life has been a walk in the park compared to some. And I see evidence of the faith in these men who have been challenged in incredible ways and are still strong. This encourages me to do the same.

You want to be mature? You want to qualify yourself to be considered as an elder? It starts by developing healthy relational habits long before the pressure of life demands the strength that these habits reinforce. Then, when in the pressure-cooker the habits hold up and your walk with God is stronger than ever.

Somewhere along in the preseason a group of football players never established these habits. Elders can't wait till game time, either, to form these habits.

How are your habits holding up?

Do You Walk With Jesus or Just Visit Him?

What would they say?

As we study the qualifications to be an elder we understand that these are tangible signs of maturity and wisdom. Only God knows your heart. And, yes he calls you (or not) to be an elder. But other men have to see something and appoint you.

We all dress up, literally and figuratively, and go to church. We go to Wake Up Call. We go to LIFE Group. We wear our holy (Un-holey) underwear, freshly washed jeans, untuck our shirts and go worship, study and fellowship. Some of us even clean up our language. Though a certain unnamed preacher once cussed in the pulpit in discussing the Big Dam Bridge and referred to the "whole dam(n) proces".

Anyway, we all get an impression of each other in these places. But, what are you like when you're not in these places or with these people? What would those guys say? They're the ones you at deer camp with you. Or, those golf weekends. Your card-playing friends. How would all your lost friends describe you in relation to this list in Titus?

Who are you, really? Who is the real you? How different are you between these different groups?

Do you walk with Jesus or do you just visit him? Randy brought up a great point. Sometimes we get so busy doing Christian things we confuse being religous with building a relationship. I can be busy doing the things that a married man does including bring home the bacon, maintain the house and cars and track the hurricanes in the gulf. I can do all those things as well or better than any of the rest of you but still have a lousy marriage because I didn't walk with my wife.

The "real" me shows up when I let my hair down. Typically, I put my hair up for church and in front of you guys. But I let my hair down when I go play. And, I play with some of you. So, am I the same guy on the golf course that am at Panera on Wednesdy morning or in the pulpit on Sunday?

Are you the same guy everywhere you go? Consistency is developed as you walk. Build your relationship while you practice your religion. Then, the guys at the deer camp will recognize you when they see you at church. Except you'll smell better at church.

Declarations and Sacrifices

Elders are good worshipers. Leaders, by definition, do things just at least a bit little better than their followers.

Words are cheap. You can say anything. And, if you can keep your distance no one will ever know the difference.

Some sinners are good at this, for a while. Eventually, they will be found out. No secret stays secret forever. I recently found out that a man who many respected had sexually molested his daughter when she was between 6 and 13 years old. He passed away and was remembered quite magnanimously at his funeral. Few outside the family ever knew.

It's relatively easy to give the appearance of being a good worshiper. Attendance is the key. Just make sure you're seen just about every Sunday.

Of course, just because you're in the room when a worship service is going on doesn't mean you're worshiping. Focusing on what God is saying to you is the most important thing. That requires humility, discipline and the ability to hear the voice of God clearly.

Just because you're not in the room doesn't mean you're not worshiping. But you'd better be someplace worshiping. And, just because you're not seen doesn't mean your not worshiping, either, right?

Implied in hearing the voice of God is acting on what you hear. An elder is someone who hears God and responds. Actions are sometimes private and sometimes public. They are sometimes small and sometimes very large.

One of my favorite elders from a previous church taught the 4th grade Sunday School class for years. If you didn't have a 4th grader you probably never would have known. He's the elder that successfully taught most of his students to have quiet times.

When God calls a man out he has a choice. A man who chooses to obey no matter what it costs him is a man who is qualifying himself to be an elder. Humbly, not seeking rewards, attention or the limelight even though giving hours and lots of emotional energy by investing in 10-year olds is pretty cool.

A man who does what God calls him out to do will have some stories to tell, too. They'll be stories of how God brought peace in the middle of a tumultuous time. They'll be stories of how God provided financially when there was no apparent way that there would be enough. They'll be stories of lives changing, marriages reconciling, standing in the gap, and being strong when others would collapse.

Worship involves giving God things of real value. You have nothing more valuable than your life. And, once you've given you life to God then, from time to time he'll ask you for your "Isaac", too. And, when God does something big, declare it loudly and publicly.

So, an elder gives a little bit more than most. Much of it is given in private. An, elder has some pretty good stories to tell, too. But, because they tend to be humble you'll have to ask.

When's the last time you asked an elder about what he's seen God do?

At Ease

You know there are those guys who just make you feel comfortable. They are the ones whose questions and body language are welcoming and put you at ease.

Then there are those guys who make you tense. Maybe they're awkward. Maybe they're shy. Maybe they're just plain mean. It doesn't matter if you're in their house or if they come to yours, their aura dominates the room and it's tense.

I worked for a pastor who tried really hard to put his staff at ease. He knew it was important to ask good questions in one-on-one situations. It didn't matter if it was social or professional, he worked hard at this.

The problem was, he worked too hard. It was awkward. Especially in those one-on-one, boss/subordinate meetings where we had to disucss a difficult issue. You've heard the saying, "shoot first and ask questions later." Well, he shot with his questions.

It was obvious he was trying to tell me something only he phrased it in a question. He wasn't interested in a yes or no response. What he was looking for was agreement with him.

The odd thing was he was very good in counseling situations. He would put people at ease immediately and make great progress in their issues. But, when the issue was his it did not go well.

Elders are to be hospitable. Some guys just do it better than others. Christian life is a life of transparency, honesty and encouragement. There are guys, some are more gifted and all of them work at getting people to feel comfortable and open up.

Think about all the guys you know. Maybe, think about the guys who sit around the table at Panera. Some put you at ease better than others. These are the guys who meet this qualification.

What do you need to do to qualify yourself?